In an effort to connect to others who struggle with BiPolar Disorder, specifically Rapid Cycling BP, I created this anonymous blog as a platform. (I’d still love to connect even if you don’t rapid cycle with your BPD) I made this decision at 3:00am this morning when after a down cycle lasting 2 days, I couldn’t sleep. (Isn’t that when many of our decisions are made? In the throws of insomnia?) I chose to remain anonymous to allow myself a certain level of freedom I wouldn’t otherwise have, as many people in my life are not aware of my BPD, OCD, or anxiety, nor do I want them to. Not because of shame…but because of the stigma attached to having a mental illness. Too many negative repercussions personally and professionally. You know what it’s like…even Dr’s view you differently as they review the long list of meds you may be on and suddenly every illness is because you’re BP. Fuck that. I can be an absolute mess sometimes, I have a mental illness but I am still an intelligent woman, who just has to work harder than some to maintain a semblance of sanity and life in general.
I am employed full time, self sufficient and do some freelance work as well. Most people in my life are unaware of my struggles, some family knows I “struggle with some depression” but I am very selective about who knows what. I tend to withdraw when I feel various “episodes” coming on and have a confidant or two who really know why I’m being a hermit. I don’t have much of a support system and realize I do need one, even if this means connecting with others through the magic of the internet.
Who else am I?
I am creative. I love photography. I love animals. I love most things vintage. I am in my mid 30’s. I am a lesbian. I am liberal minded but have conservative friends too. I work hard but am probably considered “the working poor.” Music soothes me so. I am eccentric and eclectic.